Genre: Drama, I guess. Twincest
Rating: PG-13 at the moment.
Summary: I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone…
Disclaimer: I don’t own anyone, blah blah, etc etc.
//Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm driving by your house
Though I know you're not home//
The city seemed dead without all the kids and their parents around. I had never realized this until now. Until this year, I had always been in school at this time of day. Since I graduated last June, things had changed, I guess.
I was wandering up the empty streets of Waldorf, feeling sorry for myself. Actually, I suppose apathy is a bad way to put that. Depression seems more accurate. When you're by yourself, you don't have to meet anyone else's standard. You can just act the way you normally would if you were never around people. When you're with your friends, your family, or whoever, you can't just mope all the time. You have to act a certain way whether you like to admit it or not.
There's always that one person, though. That one person you don't have to pretend around. That person that either is, will be, or always has been, your best friend. Your soulmate. The one person you're destined to be with. The only person in the world you don't have to fake happiness around, because they just understand you. They get you. They seem to emanate all good things and radiate that on to you, regardless of whether you realize it or not, and lift your mood. The love of your life. In my case, my twin brother. Benji.
I'm sure my aimless wandering seemed useless to anyone that didn't know where I was going. In a sense, I didn't even know where I was going, just where I would end up. I pulled my attention away from the ground and looked up, only to realize that I had, in fact, ended up exactly where I knew i would subconsciously bring myself. The tiny dirt road leading down to the water was empty. I knew it would be. September wasn't too cold to swim or too dull to sunbathe, but it wasn't summer anymore so everyone was either at work or in school. Everyone, that is, except me.
Since I didn't have to dodge any cars rounding the sharp corners at twice the speed limit, I was able to walk down the gravel path fairly quickly, only to find that the beach, too, was void of any life forms. Except for myself.
I almost found it ironic that I hadn't passed any cars, and now on the beach, I couldn't even see as much as a fish swimming in the semi-clear blue water. It was as if I was meant to be alone. It was like the only spot I could find peace and calamity, mirrored my own life. Emptiness,
I had always thought that cars sort of looked like fish. Like large gilled animals swimming down the streets. Benji had laughed at me when I confided this in him, right before he had agreed with me. He always saw abstract things that nobody else could see but me. Once I had pointed them out, anyway. I was the one that would pick up on the things that nobody else took notice of. He was my polar opposite, always pointing out the obvious. I love him for it, though. There was never a dull moment when you were with Benji, whether you were talking, laughing, or just sitting in the comfortable silence that sometimes fell upon us. Opposites attract, right?
I had intentionally parked a mile or so from the beach, forcing me to walk. I needed to get out of the confines of my silver SUV Explorer. I walked down the beach for a while, and into the forest facing the water. It was a long walk, but if you kept going for about half an hour, you would come to another tiny secluded area of sand, facing the water. It was a tiny beach in itself, only a few metres wide, with a rock in the centre. Benji and I had found this spot one time when we were kids, running away, trying to "escape". As far as we knew, not many people, if anyone else, had even been here. And if they had, they'd never given us reason to believe so.
I laid back on the huge rock and folded my hands behind my head.
"This is so messed up," I whispered to myself. I always spoke out loud to myself when I needed to work my way through things. It was my way of acting as my own personal psychiatrist. I've always been too stubborn to see an actual shrink, so I talked to myself instead.
My current problem that I was working through: Tony.
Christmas dinner had always been a huge deal for our family, and this year promised to be no different. I wanted this Christmas to be perfect. Benji had been talking for months about telling our parents that he was gay. I wasn't quite ready for that, but he had set a deadline for himself, and I knew that once he was determined to do something, there was no changing his mind.
Neither of us had ever come out to anyone before, except eachother, and even though I wasn't really planning on revealing myself, we were both nervous as hell. Of course, with me, you could never really tell what I was going to do, because I'm spontaneously stupid. Meaning I'll say random things out of nowhere that often get me in trouble.
I had plans of my own for this holiday. Forget my parents, I wanted to tell Benji how I felt. He knew I was keeping something from him. Ever since I had made the decision to tell him, it had been on my mind. He's always been able to read me like a book, and knowing there was something I wasn't telling him really bothered him.
I didn't expect him to feel the same. I guess it was possible, but definitely not probable. Really, what were the odds of both of us being hung up on the other? Not likely.
The lighting in the living room was dimmed because our parents were watching a movie, seated on separate couches. Benji stood nervously in the doorway, and I stood beside him, leaning on the wall. I watched intently, arms crossed, as Benji cleared his throat.
"Can I, uh, talk to you guys for a minute?" Benji wrung his hands; a habit he always did when he was nervous.
"No. We're watching a movie," our dad answered. Asshole.
"Don't listen to him," our mom laughed slightly as she clicked the TV off, and reached for the lightswitch. "Of course you can." She smiled at Benji and settled in on the couch, ready to listen to whatever he had to say. I always loved that about her. She would always listen to us with her full attention.
"Well, I-I, you see..." Benji trailed off. I reached over and squeezed his arm reassuringly, reminding him that I was there. He smiled slightly. "The way... I'm... well-"
"Spit it out, boy." Benji hated it when my dad interrupted him. He knew it too, that was part of the reason he did it so often.
"I'm gay!" He yelled. "I'm gay! I like guys!"
I watched as my mom's jaw dropped and my dad turned an interesting shade of purple. "I-"
"Don't interrupt me again. I'm not done," Benji fumed, turning to our mom, whom we both knew might be a little more understanding. "I-I want Tony to come to Christmas dinner. It-it would mean a lot if he could."
"Tony? Who the fuck is Tony?!" My dad voiced exactly what I was thinking. This was the first I had heard of him. Apparently, I wasn't the only one hiding something.
My eyes widened. I hadn't seen that one coming. My dad got to his feet, but my mom stayed seated. "You have a boyfriend. And you're gay. My son is gay."
"So am I!" Remember what I said about spontaneous stupidity?
"WHAT?!" Our dad started slowly advancing on us. I backed up, and jumped slightly when I bumped into Benji. Together, the two of us backed out of the living room while our father stepped closer, yelling and gesturing wildly with his hands.
As soon as we hit the stairs, Benji and I bolted, running for our room. We slammed the door and jammed our desk chair under the dooknob. He walked over to our closet, and went rummaging through, trying to find something. I just stood there.
"Tony?" I asked quietly. I didn't need to say anymore. He knew what I wanted to know. I wanted to know why he hadn't told me. How long had they been together? I couldn't believe this.
"I don't tell you everything, you know." He tossed me a jacket, and pushed his arms through the sleeves of his own.
"Yeah, well neither do I," I answered, slightly defensive.
"I know," he nodded, "and that's why." He paused a second before heading over towards the window. "You coming?"
I nodded and wordlessly followed him out the window. When we hit the ground, we could hear our dad yelling about how he was going to leave, saying he couldn't live in the same house as his fag sons. Ouch. We took off before he had the chance to ask our mom how he had screwed up badly enough to raise kids like us. That one always hurt.
I had a lot of time to think as we slowly made our way through the frozen city towards our tiny beach. He hadn't told me about Tony because I had been keeping my feelings from him. There was no way I could tell him now.
The sky was a dusty red before I decided to head home. I stayed to watch the sun set. I watched as the only thing in the sky settled over the empty lake and I, the only thing on the beach, began my walk back to the car. Alone.
I drove right past our apartment building, not wanting to go home just yet. I could see the empty, dark apartment Benji and I lived in, meaning he wasn't home. He was probably out with Tony. They had broken up shortly after that Christmas when our dad left, but he had come to visit for the summer.
I kept driving for another hour or so before heading home. I really didn't want to go home to an empty apartment.