out of control (noxturningxback) wrote,
out of control

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I am the bad seed. It fuels my own needs.

Title: Anthem Of Our Dying Day
Band: Matt Lovato from Mest
Genre: Drama, I suppose. Kinda angsty.
Rating: PG-13. Nothing explicit.
Summary: Matt had his entire Valentine's Day planned out. Until one little phone call changed everything.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this story, is Angie. I made her up. Story of the Year owns the song. (check it out. it's awesome) Matt and Tony own themselves. And quite possibly each other.
Dedication: To Niko bythethroatx cuz she was my beta for this

Reviews/criticism are greatly appreciated.

Anthem Of Our Dying Day

//The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
Here I am, pouring my heart on to these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly, exactly what I need//

     "Happy Valentine's Day. I... No, Matt. Stop trying so hard," he muttered to himself. "Just stick with what you've got."

     He was pacing; a bad habit he had picked up, and did whenever he was nervous. He knew he shouldn't be, but he knew Angie, and he knew she would cry. He knew his words would make her melt. He stopped pacing, and inhaled deeply, the ocean air filling his lungs. This was easily the simplest and most difficult thing he'd ever done. He was going to propose.

     Matt knew Angie would say yes, which is why he shouldn't have been nervous. But this was the moment that he had been waiting for since he'd met her. He had known she was the one for him, instantly.

     They had met on a video shoot his band, Mest, was doing. The song was for a soundtrack, and she had been in the movie. As soon as they were introduced, things had just clicked. They had gone out to dinner that night, and had spent the entire night talking and laughing.

     He loved her. He loved her with everything in him. She was gorgeous, with her bright green eyes, and dark red hair. Her personality, to him, was flawless. She cried when he said something deep, laughed at all his jokes, and was humble when it came to her acting career. She was good. Damn good. She wasn't famous, but he knew that if that was what she wanted, she could've been.

     Although Matt was in a band, and Angie was an actress, neither were famous. Not like Tony. Tony Lovato, was Matt's best friend and cousin. Two years Matt's junior, Tony was always in the spotlight. The media loved him because he was the frontman of their band, and he loved the media. Although Matt and Tony looked alike, with a pierced lip, tattoos, and the famed "Lovato grin", the only differenced between the two, was in their personalities. Not unlike a ghost to everyone but those who knew him, Matt preferred to allow someone else to bask in the spotlight, leaving him on the sidelines. For the time being, that was what he needed. Neither Matt or Angie would want an engagement publicized.

     From his vantage point on his rooftop balcony, Matt could look straight over the ocean. His property was in a new subdivision in San Francisco that backed on to the water framed by a cliff that dropped straight into the ocean. Dangerous, yes. But absolutely breathtaking.

     For the thousandth time that night, he rehearsed his lines, spilling his heart, as he continued to pace the rooftop.

     He could almost visualize it in his mind. The sky was clear, a black velvet blanket covering everything, littered with a million tiny diamonds, stretching for eternity until it hit the horizon. The stars would reflect in her eyes, and he knew that neither would make it through his speech with dry eyes. The stars in her eyes would cry, spilling down her cheeks, and he knew that he would too.

//From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day//

     He turned and sat on the ledge of the balcony, facing the city. It was getting late. It was almost quarter after eleven. He knew better than to worry, because she was never on time. He hoped she would make it there by midnight. He wanted this proposal to be perfect, and in order to do that, she had to be here before Valentine's Day was over.

     Angie had been working on a shoot, a few cities over, in Santa Clara. She said it would be done around ten, so she would be able to arrive around eleven.

     He glanced at his watch, and yawned. His eyes watered, and tears clouded them over, blurring his vision. The hundreds of streetlights below blurred together through his watery eyes, creating an orange haze, making the city look as if it was on fire. The artificial blaze stretched as far as he could see. He blinked quickly a few times, clearing the moisture, and ridding his eyes from the slight burning sensation that comes when you stare at something bright for too long.

     Matt's cell phone went off, and he reached into his pocket to retrieve it, smiling when he saw Angie's name lit up on his call display.

     "Hey you," he answered softly into the receiver of the tiny flip phone.

     "Matty..." She trained off, breathing heavily, sounded winded.

     "Ang, what's wrong?" He asked, slightly confused.

     "I'm in an alley..." She stopped to inhale shakily. "I-I've been stabbed," She sobbed, crying out as pain shot through her entire body. "I'm dying, Matt."

     His breath hitched in his throat and the colour drained from his face. She was his life. His entire world revolved around her. If she died, he would be following shortly after. It couldn't be true. He refused to believe that this was the reality he was being faced with.

     "Angie, babe, hold on. I'll call an ambulance." When she didn't respond, he continued, encouraging her to keep talking. "Come on, baby. Talk to me, Ang. This can't be happening. I'll get my car. I'll come get you. Angie, please. Tell me this isn't true. Tell me that-"

     "Matt," she interrupted hoarsely, "it's too late. There's... There's so much blood, Matt. I passed out, and I just woke up, and I still had my phone. I had to talk to you again... It's too late... There's... No time to... Just... Say goodbye."

     "God, Angie. I love you so much."

     "I love you too, baby."

     Tears spilled over, flowing evenly down his face. She was dying. It was too late to save her. She was bleeding and in pain. He couldn't take it. If she died, he died. She was dying, and in turn, so was he.

//For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
'Cause I never, never have before//

     Matt looked out at the ocean, willing it to swallow him whole. Angie was his life. Without her, there was nothing. Without her, he couldn't see. Without her, he couldn't breathe. His chest tightened at the thought of anything without her.

     He would have nobody to talk to, nobody to hug, nobody to hold, nobody to kiss goodnight, and nobody to smile when they saw him. He had adored the way her face would light up when he walked through the door when she'd had a bad day. He was the only one who could make her smile like that, and he knew it.

     "Matty..." she gasped, "it hurts... hurts to breathe... can't hold on m-much longer."

     He tried to picture her, laying in an alley, her bright green eyes brimming with tears, in a pool of her own blood. Her blood would match her hair. Her long red hair that she had always had the same length, flipped under to frame her face.

     The tears flowed faster when he pictured her in that state, and even more so when he heard her gasp again, straining for air to fill her lungs. She hadn't been wrong - she really didn't have much time left.

     He unsuccessfully willed his tears to stop. He was sure that he would never stop crying, sure that if the ocean didn't swallow him into its depths on its own, he would raise the tides and wash the entire city away, himself.

     "Matt," Angie whispered, her voice growing weaker.

     "What is it, babe?" He sniffed, and wiped at his nose with the back of his hand.

     "Sing to me?"

     He almost smiled, despite the situation. He knew immediately what she wanted to hear. Bon Jovi's 'Always'. Their song. It had been the first song they had slow danced to. It held so many memories, but had never held the meaning that it was holding now.

     "This Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood. It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up." Just some old feelings... Feelings he would never lose. Feelings he couldn't lose. Just like her. He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't... but he was going to.

     "It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood. You see I've always been a fighter, but without you, I give up." It almost seemed sadistic, how well the words matched reality. Granted, it wasn't raining, but Matt was sure that if things kept up, he wouldn't need the weather's help in drowning himself.

     "Now I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be. Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore, but baby, that's just me." He held his voice steady as he had so many times before, keeping his pace constant, and his words from faltering. Call it stage presence, call it irony, he didn't care. He fought the urge to scream when he reached the chorus. The words weren't coming out strong enough. He didn't think he could get that intensity unless he was yelling. The words couldn't convey the raw emotion he wanted them to portray. Had she been there, singing along with him, he would've gotten louder. But she wasn't there. She was alone in an alley, in Santa Clara, listening to him sing over a cell phone, dying.

//From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying...//

     The city was on fire. Everything was on fire. Matt tipped his head back towards the dark sky, and ran his hand over his face as he finished singing to her.

     He lowered his head back down, swiping at the tears that still fell. The gesture was useless, and he knew it wouldn't accomplish much, because the tiny droplets still rolled down his cheeks in a steady stream.

     Matt couldn't help but wonder why this was happening. Why him? Why her? What would he do without her?

     "Angie, please... Please," he pleaded with her. He wasn't sure what he was begging for, but he had to do something. His mind screamed, his throat ached, and his chest burned.

     "Please, what, Matty?" she gasped.

     Every road, from the busiest highways to the tiniest residential street collided as the orange from the streetlights melted in with the white and red of the car lights, running together like a watercolour left to dry on an angle. Creating an enormous blanket of fire, for as far as he could see, it stretched to the horizon, burning and overthrowing anything in its path.

     "Don't do it, Angie," he whispered. "Let me get help. Let me call someone." He sunk to his knees on the cold cement of his rooftop balcony. "Please, Angie."

     "I can't... I can't hold on... It's... too... late."

     "You can. It's not too late. It's never too late! C'mon, Ang." He tipped his head back towards the sky and yelled. "It's not too fucking late!"

     "Matt, don't."

     "No, Angie. I will." He got to his feet and started quickly pacing the rooftop, willing the tears to stop falling. "It's not supposed to be like that. Like this. It's just not."

     "I..." She inhaled sharply. "I know."

     "You do not! Without you, I'm nothing. It's you and me, Angie. You and me until the end. I won't go on without you. I can't, and I won't. I was going to propose to you tonight. I just-" His voice broke mid-sentence. "God, I love you so much."

     "Matty... No, Matty. No." She cried out loudly, and Matt could tell by the way that she was shakily exhaling that not only was she crying, but she didn't have much time left.

//For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight//

     "I... can't... hold... on." She managed to get her sentence out, struggling for air between each syllable she spoke.

     He looked to the sky again, willing it to do something impossible. Willing it to swallow him whole, for the darkness to envelope him into its depths, never letting him go. Willing the rain to start falling, causing the oceans to overflow and wash away the entire city, ridding everything of its existence.

     "God, Angie. Don't do this."

     "Don't do what, Matt? D-don't get stabbed?" She sobbed once more, and hissed at the pain her tears caused as it coursed through her body.

     "No, baby, no. That's not what I meant. Calm down, sweetie. It's going to be okay," he lied. It wouldn't be okay. Nothing would. Without Angie, he'd never be able to smile, never be able to laugh, never be able to breathe. "I'll see you soon, Ang, okay? Then we'll be together forever."

     "Matt... What?" He could sense the confusion in her voice, and knew she wouldn't condone, or even understand what he was going to do, but she didn't have a say in the matter. He wished he could say she didn't have any control over him, but he couldn't. While she couldn't change his mind, she had inadvertently already made it up for him.

     "I can't live without you." He spoke slowly, as if explaining something complex to a child. "So, I won't," he continued. "It's not worth it, Angie." The weight of what he was saying suddenly settled in his chest. This was forever. This was permanent. No turning back.

     "No, Matt... No... Why?"

     "I told you, Angie. I can't live without you, so I won't. We'll be together soon, baby. You and me."

     "Matt... I..." Her sentence was cut off be her sharp intake of air. She was slipping fast.

//From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day//

     "And I will love you, baby. Always..." He sang one of the lines from their song quietly into the reciever.

     "Matty... I-I love you, Matt... Goodbye."

     "I love you too, Angie. I love you so much." He heard her phone slip from her hand and fall to the ground. He reluctantly flipped his own phone shut when he heard the dial tone.

     She was gone. This wasn't a game, it was a cruel joke reality was playing on him. It wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. One that he wished he could wake up from, but knew he never would.

     He realized then, that he had been staring. Watching the city from his vantage point above it. Matt turned around, and walked to the opposite edge of his house, and sat down, dangling his legs over the edge.

     The streetlights had burned their imprint behind his eyelids. As he blinked, it faded, returning his sight to him. His tears stopped falling, his heart stopped racing, and his mind cleared. It was time to quit stalling. Time to stop delaying the inevitable.

     It was time for time to stop.

//From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day//

     There were too many options running through his head. There were too many ways to die. As calmly as possible, Matt stood, and descended down the flight of stairs that led to the interior of his house.

     He wandered from room to room, debating over the many possible ways he could end his life. Suicide. Self-murder. He shook the thought from his head.

     He decided against slitting his wrists. It was too slow, and made too much of a mess. Plus, he wasn't sure he could do it right. No, that definitely wouldn't be how he would do it.

     Hanging himself would be easy enough, but he didn't want Tony to discover him like that. Tony would probably be the one to find him. After a day or so, he'd get worried, and come looking.

     There were only two other options Matt could come up with. He knew Angie kept a gun in one of the rooms upstairs, or he could overdose. He didn't think he could bring himself to fire a gun. There was too much mental preparation in doing so. Too much to think about, and too many things to concentrate on. And as for overdosing, he wouldn't know how many pills to take, and didn't want to run the risk of waking up again.

     Matt found himself at his back window, and he rested his forehead on the cool glass as he watched the rain start to fall. Nature always mirrored life. He didn't want to die, but feared that living without Angie would kill him anyway. The rain picked up speed, falling into the ocean below where the streetlights reflected on its unforgiving black surface, and it hit him.

     He raced outside, trying not to slip on the grass that was now slick with rain water. Halfway down his lawn, Matt stopped. At the bottom of the cliff, were jagged, pointed rocks protruding through the ocean's surface. There was no chance of survival.

     He pushed his dripping hair off his face. He would say to her in eternity what he couldn't say now. "I'm coming, Angie," he whispered. "There's nothing I won't do to say these words to you." That song now held so much meaning.

     Matt broke into a run, and, throwing his arms out to his sides, launched himself over the edge of the cliff, diving head-first, ending the beginning of his life without Angie, and beginning the end of his life with her.


//From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying...//

     "And the Oscar goes to..."

     "Tony, shut up." She laughed as she shoved him playfully.

     "Angie, that was brilliant," he said, from the driver's seat next to her. "You're gonna be famous, baby. You're incredible."

     She smiled to herself, amazed that she had pulled it off. Tony pulled up to a stop light, and she couldn't help but notice how the wet windshield made the lights look like fire. It reminded her of the fireplace waiting for her at home. Tony's home. Her new home.

     "Happy Valentine's Day, babe."

     "Same to you." Angie leaned over, and gave Tony a quick kiss as he flicked on the radio.

     A few minutes went by in silence, before Tony turned up the volume and sang along. "And I will love you, baby. Always..."
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