out of control (noxturningxback) wrote,
out of control

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Hello, my name is distance.

I wrote this ages ago, and left it in my normal LJ. I'm gonna post it though. It wasn't about a band or anything, it was about me. I just wrote it to get stuff off my mind.


     The only thing I've ever wanted, is to be normal. When I was a kid, all I could've dreamed for, was to grow up, marry a nice guy, get a decent job, and live happily ever after. Turns out, reality had something else in store for me.

     When asked, I bet everyone would tell you that once in their lives, they've wanted something so badly, they've needed it. But out of all those people, how many would understand?

     Who could possibly understand this fixation, this obsession? Who could possibly know the way it feels to need something so badly, so desperately, that is consumes you? It takes over all rationality, all common sense, all perception of judgement.

     Not many people, I'm sure.

     I doubt people realize the impact of their words. I don't want to believe that when people say they understand, that they do. Because... they can't. I know a few people understand what it's like to be so fixated on something, so incredibly plagued by an obsession, that they mean it. When they say they understand, they do.

     I can't stop, I can't quit, I can't "walk away at any time". I'm hooked. I want it so badly, that I need it. At the same time, I need it so badly, that I want it. You can quit bad habits, but addiction, you're stuck with for life. An alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, no matter how recovered he may be. A drug user will always be a druggie, no matter how clean he is.

     Bad habits die hard. You can't quit addiction.
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